Mysticism & High School
by SoulfullyInclined
Summary: Vanessa's POV. Contains sex abuse. I don't own anyone. *Please Review. Edited.*
1. Breakfast

I woke up Monday morning at 7 a.m. School started at 8. I had an hour. I smelled coffee, waffles and muffins. I knew my mom and my older sister Molly, 19, were up, that my dad was still at the office. My youngest sister Claire, 13, was still asleep and my younger sister Margo, 15, was at ballet. She'd been there since 4 a.m. she always went early. She wanted a part in this year's upcoming performance of Dracula. She hardly ever ate. My dad wasn't home because he rarely was. We only saw my 4 brothers at night.

Downstairs, in the kitchen, I heard Mom and Molly talking with my friends Charlotte, Haley, Reba and Reba's older sister Jessi, 19.

I got up, took a shower, got dressed and went downstairs. As usual, I was dressed eccentrically, in a black leotard, long black skirt, lace-up black ankle boots and black scarf with gold stars on it. I had on my black lace fingerless gloves covering my red henna tattoos which matched my short, thick, fluffy dark-red hair. I knocked on Claire's door on the way down the hall.

I went out of my room, down the hall, down the stairs, through the living room and into the small kitchen, where Molly, Mom, Reba, Haley, Charlotte and Jessi were sitting around the circular, light wooden kitchen table, talking and eating.

Reba and Jessi were the only black females in the room but that didn't bother us. Reba was gorgeous. She modeled at the same place that Claire, Morgan's younger sister Ashley, and Ruthie did. Jessi was a dancer.

There were different varieties of muffins on a white plastic plate in the center of the kitchen table, as usual. No matter what my mom was doing, what kind of day she'd had or how the night before had gone, she always made us muffins for breakfast. That never changed.

Jessi was eating a muffin and drinking hot chooclate, Mom was drinking tea, Molly was drinking coffee and Reba, Haley and Charlotte were all eating fruit and waffles with syrup and butter. I went over to the waffle iron and started making myself a waffle. While I was waiting for my waffle I poured myself a glass of milk, ate a muffin as well as some raspberries from the fridge.

"Hello Vanessa," Mom said.

"Hi."

"Don't you smell lovely this morning."

"Thank you."

I'd sprayed some rose perfume on before I came down, along with using my rose-scented body wash in the shower.

"Claire still asleep?" Molly asked.

I nodded.

"Yeah. I knocked on her door though."

"Oh. Ok."

"Hey Vanessa," Haley said.

"Hey Haley. Hey Reba."

"Hey."

"Hi Vanessa," Charlotte said.

"Hey Charlotte."

Charlotte was gorgeous, with fluffy, thick dark brown hair reaching to her shoulders and brown eyes. Her hair was not quite as thick as mine however; mine was thicker. She was petite, thin, quiet and unbearably shy. She liked to read in her spare time. I kept telling her she should go out for modeling but she was too shy to. And she was afraid of what the men at the agency would do to her. I could understand why. Margo was afraid of men as well but for a different reason. Like Sierra, another friend of ours, she was pregnant.

I put the glass of milk on the table and sat down to eat my waffle.

"Hey I got volleyball practice after school," Haley told me; "and then gymnastics."

Haley, who had blonde hair and blue eyes, liked sports, most of them. At school she took cheerleading, volleyball and soccer. Outside of school she took gymnastics.

"And I have modeling, as usual," Reba said.

"I have dance," Jessi said.

"Ok. And I don't have anything," I put in.

We all laughed.

Mom turned her head toward the stairs.

"Claire, wake up! Breakfast is ready and you have half an hour," she called.

"I like your scarf," Jessi told me.

"Thank you."

Reba, Charlotte, Haley and I'd been friends for 10 years, since we were 7. We lived in the same neighbourhood. Our friend Kerry also lived in the neighbourhood and sometimes came over. She lived with her parents and her 2 brothers; Logan, 19, and Hunter, 16. Kerry, Reba, Charlotte, Haley and I were all 17, as were our friends Morgan, Sierra and Leo. Morgan, Kerry, Margo and I all suffered from Middle Child Syndrome, since we were all middle-children. I didn't have it as bad as the others, though. Middle Child Syndrome meant we all often felt ignored by our parents, although my mom tried to make time for my siblings and I. Morgan's mom had a lot to deal with and Sierra didn't know who hers was.


	2. Rachel Stevenson

It was lunchtime and Charlotte, Kerry, Reba, Haley, Morgan, Sierra and I were all sitting at our table in the crowded school cafeteria. Our lunches were spread out in front of us on the white table so that each of us could pick and choose what we wanted to eat. We did this quite frequently. I had brought hummus, and carrot, celery and pretzel six; Reba had brought apples and brownies; Charlotte had brought pasta salad and some of her mom's whole wheat pasta; Haley had brought water; Morgan had brought Honey-Nut Cheerios; Sierra had brought mixed nuts and Leo had brought 2 different kinds of his mother's wonderful bread, Irish soda bread and some sort of Italian bread. They were of Irish-Italian descent. The tables and benches we were sitting on were white, dotted with tiny gray dots. The morning had gone ok, with lots of announcements about upcoming due dates for assignments.

"So my mom was crying hysterically last night, although I don't know why. It might've been over my dad, though," Leo told us.

His dad had died when he was very little.

"Well, she still managed to make us this wonderful bread!" I said.

We all laughed.

"Yeah last night wasn't the best for us, either," Kerry informed us.

"And yall know how nights usually are at my house," I added.

Reba, Charlotte and Haley nodded.

"What happened?" I asked Kerry.

"Oh, just the usual. Our parents went out, Logan, Hunter and I argued blah blah blah. And now they give us homework? God."

Kerry was the type to be angry a lot.

"Yeah, I know. But hey, least you're not pregnant and your brother didn't come home drunk," Sierra said.

"Yeah, I guess."

"My dad yelled at Ashley, Hannah and I again. I don't know why. Scared the hell out of Hannah. Josh tried to defend us but he yelled at Josh too," Morgan said.

"Oh jeez," I said.

"Yeah, I know but whatrya gonna do?"

"Yeah, true."

Morgan had 6 other siblings. Ashely was 11, Josh was 8 and Hannah was 5. She had 2 more brothers, Cory, 24, and Eric, 22, and a sister, Missy, 24. Cory, lived up in New York with his wife, who was a lawyer. Missy had a daughter, Olivia, who was 3. Morgan and Sierra were best friends. Sierra lived with her older brother, Shawn, 24, who happened to be Cory's best friend, and their younger sister, Charlotte, 6, in a small trailer in a trailer park. Sierra was pregnant. Shawn had a girlfriend, Lily. Leo was Morgan's really good friend.

A thin, pretty girl with curly, shiny dark hair to her shoulders and dark eyes came over to our table. She was wearing black.

"Hi, mind if I sit here?" she asked.

"No, not at all," Reba said.

The girl sat down.

"I'm Rachel, by the way. Rachel Stevenson," she told us.

We introduced ourselves.

"Do you happen to know Abby and Anna Stevenson?" I asked.

"Yeah, they're my older sisters."

"Oh. They know my sister Molly."

"Oh. We're Jewish, not that that matters. Ooh you have hummus! I brought bagels, since everyone appears to be eating everyone else's food."

We laughed. Rachel opened her bag of bagels and spread them on the table along with a carton of cream cheese and some silverware.


	3. Bleeding Arms Bleeding Legs

**Tuesday**

It was late Tuesday night and most everyone was sleep. Everyone except for Adam and myself, that was. My room was dark. The hallway outside of it was dark. I was locked, in darkness. A seashell glowed in the dark from an outlet in my room as did the galaxy of stars on my ceiling and walls. I felt dizzy looking at them because there wasn't any sense of where the walls, ceiling, floor, furniture and objects were. Just stars, glowing neon green in the black darkness, hundreds of them. It was a very strange sensation.

Even before I heard his, my brother's, Adam's door open, even before he crept down the hall and into my room I knew he was going to. He had been doing this most nights ever since I was 13. Just him and I in the quiet darkness. Several times I'd had to have abortions without my parents knowing. I hated it. Tonight was no exception.

I heard his door open, and knew within seconds he would be in my room doing things to me. I gasped, even though I knew what was coming. I sat up in my bed, against the headboard, with my legs up hoping that would be enough to stop him. Soon enough he was in my room. He'd closed and locked my bedroom door. I could feel his presence. He came over to my bed. I knew he was there.

"Put your legs down Vanessa," he whispered.

I put my legs together under my black nightgown. A long time ago I had discovered that black wouldn't show the blood as much.

"Put. Your legs. Down," he repeated.

My knees were touching.

He put my legs down by force.

"Now lie down. On your bed."

I didn't. I didn't realize he had brought 2 pocketknives with him. He made cuts on each of my wrists with them.

"Ow," I said.

What was to come next would hurt far more.

"Don't say a word. Now lie down damnit!"

I did what he said. He lifted up my nightgown, doing what he did to me most nights. Weirdly enough this was the most time I spent with him but not the kind I wanted. He then left. I turned on my nightstand lamp and looked around the room and down at my bed. I knew I would have to wash the sheets and my nightgown.

I got out of bed and changed from my nightgown into my black pajama pants and black robe. I then gathered up the sheets and my nightgown and took them down to the laundry room. I put them in the washing machine along with the Tide laundry detergent and started the water. My name means butterfly. I wonder if they ever bleed.

"Vanessa?" I heard someone down the hall say.

I gasped before realising it was my mom.

"Yeah Mom?"

"Honey, what are you doing up so late?"

"I'm doing my laundry I forgot to do it earlier."

"Oh ok. Are you ok?"

"I…yeah, I'm fine."

What was I going to tell her, that one of her sons had just raped me? Not only that but it was a question of her reaction and what she would do once she found out.

"Ok, good night, Vanessa."

"Night, Mom."

My wrists were still bleeding from the cuts he had made on them. There was a roll of gauze in the laundry room which I took and wrapped around my wrists. It looked like a suicide attempt, which it wasn't. It was something entirely different.

I went down the hall and started quietly down the carpeted white staircase, turning on every light over the staircase and in the first floor of the house as I did so. I was now terrified of the dark and what loomed within it but I wouldn't dare admit that, not to anyone. Not even to Reba, my best friend. Not yet.

And if I admitted that, it would mean I'd have to admit everything else that had been happening, too.

I went down to the kitchen and made myself some hot choclit, listening to the silence in the light and the sound of the washing machine upstairs. Once the hot choclit was made I sat in the kitchen for about an hour. It was now 1 a.m. At 2 a.m. I went and sat on the white couch in the white living room. No one else was up. I could see why they called this the dead of night. It was silent as death and ours was a very old house. I wouldn't have been at all surprised if there were still spirits lingering about. But I didn't want to be the medium not tonight. Or, morning, rather. At 3 a.m. I went back into the kitchen, rinsed out my cup, put it in the drying rack next to the sink and went back upstairs to my room. The lamp was still on. I sat on the window seat and watched and listened to the rain outside. I eventually fell asleep there.


	4. Wednesday

**Wednesday**

* * *

It was the next day, Wednesday night, and still raining, which didn't help things. I wondered for the millionth time whether or not I had a life growing inside of me. At lunch, I read in the library instead of eating with my friends. This had happened so many times before since the incident. I'd changed, hardly talked at all. Everyone wanted to know if I was ok. I didn't answer them. Sierra told me she was there if I wanted to talk and Reba wondered about my wrists.

"Did you…?" she asked, wondering if I had slit my wrists the previous night.

"No. I didn't. And I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh ok."

I didn't come down for dinner and Mom noticed. After about a half an hour, she stopped calling me.

"She's not coming down for dinner so something must be wrong," I heard her say from the kitchen downstairs.

"Maybe we should have her see a therapist," Molly said, completely oblivious to the fact that I just didn't want to talk to anyone.

I heard Mom push back her chair.

"Molly, we can't just send her to a therapist every time she doesn't talk to us!" she said.

"Maybe she just doesn't want to talk."

"Oh."

I heard Mom pull in her chair.

A knock came on my bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I asked, a little more aware of who was on the other side of the door. But Adam never knocked he just came right in.

"It's Margo," she said.

"Oh. Come in!"

She opened the door, came in, closed it behind her, walked across the room and sat on my bed.

"Vanessa, are you ok?" she asked; "you didn't come down for dinner."

I sighed.

"I know Margo. Is that all anyone has to talk about?"

She looked taken aback.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Its ok."

"I just…..and no, I'm not ok. I haven't been since last night."

"Why what happened last night?"

"Well, actually, it was this morning."

"Ok what happened then?"

"Well…lock the door, would you?"

Margo got up from her spot on the bed, walked across the room, locked the door and went over and sat in my white window seat.

"Anyway…." She said.

"Margo,"

"Yes?"

"You see, last night Adam hurt me."

"Adam? Our brother Adam?"

"Yeah."

"Oh god. Hurt you like raped you?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I haven't told anyone else you're the first."

"I won't tell anyone."

"Ok."

"The same thing happened to me, Vanessa."

"I know it did. I know."

She had told me the story.

"Margo, I don't want him doing the same thing to you. So, if you can, try and spend the nights somewhere else."

"Ok. What are you going to do?"

"I really don't know."

"Oh."


	5. Thursday

**Thursday**

**

* * *

**

The next day at lunchtime I was in the library crying. A young woman wearing a tight black shirt and jeans with dark skin and short black hair walked up to me.

"This is a library not a crybrary. Don't cry in public, it's bad manners," she told me.

"Hey!" someone else called.

I looked up.

"If you haven't anything nice to say…"

"If you haven't anything nice to say," the young woman wearing jeans mimicked.

"Alrite you know what?"

"You wanna take this outside?" the one in jeans said.

"Yes I do actually. A much better place than here," the goth replied.

She looked at me.

"I'll be back in a bit luv," she said.

She had a British accent.

"Ok," I said quietly.

"Aww you're British that's so cute," the one in jeans said.

"Shut up," the goth replied.

They left. the librarian came back in and I wondered how long id have to wait. Today hadn't gone any better than yesterday. Reba still wanted to talk and I still didn't.

After about an hour the goth returned and sat down in the chair next to me.

"Hi luv," she said.

I was bewildered.

"Um…hi."

I also wondered why she was wasting her time talking to me.

"Won't we miss lass?" i asked.

"Erm no. Well er I mean yes, yes we will but we've more important things to tend to. And you look like you've been having a really hard time lately."

"You remind me a lot of myself except I'm not British. Er not that there's anything wrong with being British. I happen to adore the British. I'm sorry. I'm Vanessa."

"It's alrite dead I ramble too sometimes."

"Oh is that what I was doing?"

She laughed; "yes but its fine. So you wanna go somewhere for lunch? Coffee tea?"

We stood up and started walking out of the library.

"Since when did you turn into an airline stewardess?" I asked.

She laughed.

"And who you might be?" I asked.

"Oh I'm so sorry where have my manners gone? I'm Miranda by the way, Miranda Charlotte Rose. But you can call me Miranda."

"Oh. OK."

"Nice to meet you Vanessa."

"Thanks you too."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"As are you."

"So whats up?"


	6. Cleaning

We walked out of the library and into the empty hallway.

"Well, this isn't easy to say," I told Miranda.

She looked at me.

"Oh?"she asked.

"But um,"

"Vanessa love you can tell me anything."

"But I hardly know you."

"Yes, I know. But sometimes it's easier talking to someone you hardly know."

"Oh. Well........things haven't been the easiest for me."

"Mmhm I figured as much."

"My brother, of which I have 4, he, um, comes into my room at night and comes into my bed and . . .last time he had a pocket knife . . .Miranda he . . ."

"Hurts you?" she asked.

"Yes."

I nodded swallowing back tears.

"I have something in my locker that'll help with that."

"With, what?"

"The cuts."

"Oh."

We went down the stairs to the second floor. We walked down the hall to the other end. Miranda paused by a locker. I stopped as well.

"Sit down," she told me.

I sat on the hard white tile floor of the hallway.

Miranda got several items out of her locker; lemon juice, a small bottle of vanilla, a small bowl, a spoon, rubbing alcohol, a bag of cotton balls and Neosporin.

"Hold out your arms," she told me.

I placed my arms on my knees, palms upwards. Miranda unscrewed the tops of the lemon juice and the vanilla and poured a bit of both into the bowl. She stirred the mixture, took a cotton ball out of the bag and dipped it in the mixture.

"This will hurt a bit," she warned me, taking my hand and pushing back the long ruffled sleeve of my brown peasent top.

"I'm used to that."

"Yes, but just because it is doesnt mean it should be," she said, locking eyes with me.

She put the mixture on each of my cuts and then put the vanilla and lemon juice back in her locker.

She did the same thing with the rubbing alcohol and the neosporin.

We stood up. She grabbed her purse out of her locker then closed it.

"So how bout that coffee?" she asked.

"Um, I need to get my purse."

"Right. Which one is your locker?"


	7. Starbucks

We were sitting at a round table in the coffee shop.

"Thank you," I told Miranda.

"Oh of course," she said, sipping her beverage.

"No one's...taken that much interest in me before."

"I know what that's like."

"We have to go back to class."

"I don't think class would be the best place for you right now. Your friend Reba seems kind of pushy," Miranda said; "and I think if you went back, today, that would only further her pushiness."

"Oh. What are you........psychic," I said.

"Erm, well, sort of. I'm just perceptive."

Chills went down my back.

"Miranda . . .your'e not the only one."

"And who says we have to go to school? Why don't we just go to the park and.....be," she said.

"Just be. That's something I haven't done in a long time."

"Yes. i know."


	8. Spirits

I saw a figure, standing by our table. A child. She was staring at me.

_Oh god_, I thought, horrified.

"What are you doing here?" I asked the figure.

She said nothing.

Miranda said nothing as well.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," I continued.

_You're the one that needs the help_, I heard her voice in my head say.

I stood up, frustrated; "but then why are you here?" I asked.

And with that, the figure vanished.

Miranda looked up at me.

"Vanessa dear sit down. You're making a spectacle of yourself," she toldme.

"Oh."

I sat down and sipped my warm beverage.

"Vision?" Miranda asked, understanding.

I nodded.

"What did she want?"

"I don't know. They never say. All she told me was that I'm the one that needs the help."

"They never do say much."

"You....you have them too?"

"Yes. I saw her as well."

"How, how long?"

"All my life."

"Me too."


	9. POV: Jordan

**Jordan**

My girlfriend Jennifer and I were lounging in the grass in the park across the street from the school. Her head was on my muscular chest, her long brown hair spilling across it, my thick fingers running through it.

"Mmm this is nice," she told me.

"Yeah it is," I said, looking up through the trees: "away from all the drugs and the..."

"The drink," Jen put in.

"Mmhmm."

A soft breeze blew by.

Jennifer looked great, in her black camisole that showed off just a bit of her cleavage, an inch or so, and tight fitting black jeans.

"It smells like pine," Jen remarked.

"That's...because we're sitting under a pine tree," I said.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes. Yes I do."

"So, uh," Jen said.

"Yeah?"

"You doin anything tonight?"

"Why?"

"Well I was thinkin we could go over to my place...dim the lights...smoke some..." she continued.

"Pot?" I finished.

"Yeah, pot."

"Sure sounds good."

"Ok. Speaking of which how are your brothers?"

"Eh. I haven't seen much of Nick or Byron lately."

"Oh. And Adam?"

"Same."

"Oh."

"I gotta get more condoms," I just realised.

"Hmm?" Jen asked.

"If we're going to, you know."

"Have sex."

"Yeah. Maybe Vanessa has some."

Jen looked at me.

"Vanessa?"she asked incredously.

"Well, ya never know she's a bit out there. She could have condoms."

"Yeah not to mention, she's hot."

"You want to get with my sister?" I asked.

"Yeah I think it would be interesting."

"Yeah but you're my girlfriend."

"Right. Is she straight?"

"Um I really don't know."

"Oh. Well could you ask?"

"Um ok sure."

"Thanks."

"You're...welcome. Jennifer."

"Yes?"

"You're, my girlfriend."

"Yeah I know."

"You're not gettin this are you."

"No. No, I'm not."

"She's my sister you're my girlfriend. Seeing as she and I are related it...would be kinda weird."

"Oh god hun I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

She laced her fingers through mine. I squeezed her hand.

My eyes fell on the cuts going up and down her arms.

"You're, still cutting," I stated matter of factly.

"Yeah I know. But I'm trying to quit."

"Ok. Just...be careful ok?"

"Ok, I will Miranda's helping."

"Miranda?"

"New student, from England. Our age. Really cool. I met her recently."

"Oh."

Meanwhile, back inside the school...

"Haley have you seen Vanessa?" reba aksed her friend at lunch that day.

"No babe I haven't sorry."

"Oh."

"I haven't seen her either," Charlotte put in.

"Maybe Jordan knows something...anyone seen him?"

"No, he might be with Jen," Adam said.

"Ok thanks."

"Sure."

Reba stood up, pushed her chair back and walked outside.

Back in the park...

"Oh hey look there's Reba," Jen said.

I looked up.

"Hey Reba!" I called.

"Hey Jordan. Jen."

"Hey," Jen called.

"You seen Vanessa?" Reba asked.

"No," Jen and I said.

"Ok."

Reba walked off.


	10. Jordan

**Jordan**

It was later that night. Jen and I were in my house, she was downstairs with Mom helping her make dinner. Molly, as usual, was babysitting, Dad was working late, Claire was at modeling and Margo was at ballet. My brothers were in their rooms as was Vanessa.

I could hear Mom and Jen talking in the white kitchen.

"It's so nice that you help, Jennifer," Mom said.

"Oh I really don't mind. It's nice to be in a family where...no one's sick."

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. How is you rmom?"

"She's been in and out of the hospital. Dad's either at work or...or home."

"Oh? And how is that?"

"Um. Not great."

"Oh. How are things with you and Jordan?"

"Oh they're good."

"Has he...have you...?"

"Um that's a really personal question."

"Sorry. I just want to make sure you're being..."

At that moment I walked into the room.

"Hey how's dinner?" I asked.

"It'll be awhile," Jen told me.

"Ok. Either of you seen Vanessa?"

"She might be upstairs," Mom said.

"Ok."

I left and went upstairs down the hall to Vanessa's, where I knocked on the door.

"Vanessa?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Ok shoot."

"Can I come in?"

"Ok...I guess."

I stepped inside her room. She was sitting on her bed, actually not reading. On her tall, mahagony dresser she had lemon juice, vanilla, rubbing alcohol, Neosporin, peroxide and cotton balls.

"You're...not reading," I observed, confused.

"Yeah I know."

"But, you're always reading."

"Yeah well...I just didn't feel like it."

"Oh. And what's with...that?" I indicated the items on her dreser.

"Um it's kinda personal."

"Oh."

An idea flashed through my mind, as did the image of Jennifer's arms earlier that day.

"I, um...do you cut?"

Vanessa threw up her hands and looked at the ceiling.

"No Jordan I don't cut! Why does everyone keep assuming that! First Reba...now you. Earlier, Charlotte told me she was worried about me..."

Charlotte. Always the sensitive one.

"Whoa. Vanessa. Calm down."

I held my hands up, palms facing towards her.

"I'm sorry I haven't had an easy time of it lately."

"Do you...wanna talk about it?" I asked, taking a step forward.

"I...um, no."

"Ok. And the only reason I'm asking is because I know a lot of women your age cut. And I also know, that, peroxide and rubbing alcohol are used to clean those cuts."

"Oh. Ok."

"I mean...my girlfriend does."

"Jen...Jennifer? cuts?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well I was wondering..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any condoms?"

At that moment something in Vanessa's face changed.


	11. Kitchen

Meanwhile back in the kitchen........

"Do you want me to go pick up Margo and Claire?" Jennifer asked Mrs. Pike.

"Oh honey that would be wonderful."

"Ok. is it ok........do you mind......?"

"Do I mind what?"

"If I stop by and see my mom first?"

"Oh sure that's fine. Do you have their numbers?"

"Who?"

"Margo and Claire, their cell numbers."

"Oh. No, I don't."

"Oh. Well I think they're somewhere....."

She glanced around the kitchen.

Jennifer smiled; "it's ok Ginger. I'll ask Jordan."  
"Ok."

At that moment Adam bounded down the stairs.

"Hey Mom I'm taking off," he said.

Mrs. Pike turned toward the sound of his voice.

"Ok do you know when you'll be back?" she asked.

"No I don't."

"Oh well.......be..."

The door closed behind adam.

"...careful."

Mrs. Pike sighed as she stirred the big silver pot of pasta on the stove in front of her.

"It never works,"she said.

"Telling him to be careful?" Jennifer asked, looking at her.

"Well yes, that too. But he never......tells me when he's going to be home, always coming and going as he pleases.....I just wish he'd for once answer his phone. uBt, that's a lost hope."

"I'm sorry Ginger. I know what that's like."

"Thank you. You......you do?"

"Yes. I do."

Jennifer shifted.

"Um but anyway....I'm going to go ask Jordan if I can borrow his car."

This conversation was making her uncomfortable.

"Ok, well thank you again for helping."

"Oh sure you're welcome."

Jennifer went out the kitchen and bounded up the stairs to the second floor of the house.


	12. Vanessa's Room

Back in Vanesa's room.........

"He didn't use a condom," my sister told me slowly, almost coldly.

"Who.........who didn't?"

"He fuked me and he didn't............even use a condom."

"Oh jeez. Vanessa. You weren't.........."

"Yes. I was."

"Oh god."

I stood up and started pacing.

"Hey Jordan?" I heard Jen's voice call.

"Yeah hun?" I asked.

"Um I need to ask you something..."

"Can you hold on? I'm a bit busy."

"Ok."

I heard my girlfriend walk down the hall and sit at the top of the carpeted stairs.

"Who? Who hurt you? When I get my hands on him he's gonna be....." I said.

"Your brother........our. Brother."

"Which one?"

"Adam."

"What?"

I was completely shocked.

"Adam.........of all people."

"Yeah. I know," Vanessa said somberly.

"I thought it would be someone at school or........something. But I never thought....jeez. Who else knows? Does Mom know? Molly?"

"No. No one else but you....and Miranda."

"Miranda, who.......Jennifer knows?"

Vanessa nodded; "yeah I think."

"Oh. Ok. Jeez Vanessa I'm sorry."

She said nothing.

"Hey Jordan?" my girlfriend called.

I turned my head towards the sound of her voice.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"It's ok. Go," Vanessa told me.

"Ok."

I walked out of her room and down the hall to where Jen was waiting on the top step.

"Hey," she said, looking up.

"Hi, what did you want to ask me?"

"If I could borrow your car."

"Uh yeah sure why?"

"I'm going to go pick up your sisters."

"Oh. Well Jen you really don't have to..."

"Yeah but seeing as your mom's busy with dinner and there's no telling when your dad will be back. And um I don't know where your brothers are, so."

"Oh ok."

"I'm also going to stop by and see my mom."

"Ok um mind if I come with?"

"No, actually," Jen said, standing up.

"Ok."

I stood up as well.

"Did you get those condoms?"

"Oh no, I didn't. Damnit. Vanessa's........not really in a good state of mind."

"You wanna talk about it?"

We started down the stairs.

"No. I don't."

"Ok."

"We're going to need to stop by 7/11 on the way, to buy some," I told Jen.

"Ok."

"Do you have their numbers?"

"Who?"

"Claire and Margo."

"Oh. No. Your mom said you would."

"Ok. And I do."

"Ok."

We continued down the stairs


	13. POV: Vanessa

**Vanessa**

I picked up my cell, noticing it had a new voice message.

I dialed my own number. The lady's automated voice informed me I had one new message, which I already knew. I listened to the message.

"Hey Vanessa this is Charlotte," my friend's soft, quiet voice said; "um, I was wondering if you wanted to do something later tonight. Haley, Reba and I will be at my place. I'm worried about you. Well...call me if you want to do something. Bye."

I saved the message then flipped my phone closed.

My phone rang, an unfamiliar number showed up on the screen. I flipped it open.

"Yeah hello?" I asked.

"Hi love," a vaguely familar voice said.

"Um hi..."

"It's Miranda."

"Oh."

"Did I ring at a bad time?"

"No, no."

"Ok."

"How'd you get my number?"

"Oh, Charlotte gave it to me."

"Oh."

"Are you doing anything?"

"No, why?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to come over."

"Ok where do you live?"

"I'll pick you up."

"Ok."

I gave her my address.

"Ok see you in a few."

"Ok bye."

"Bye."

We hung up. I flipped my phone closed.

I went to my closet and picked out a long, long sleeve, v neck midnight blue velvet dress, which I put on after taking off the clothes I'd worn to school. I went to my dresser and put on gold crescent earrings then to the bathroom, where I put on mascara. Then back into my room, where I slipped my pale feet into a pair of black ballet flats. I grabbed my long black wool coat, my purse, keys, cell, cell phone charger, then headed downstairs into the living room, where Mom was sitting on one of the white sofasreading a magazine. She looked up when I came in. I sat on the other white sofa.

"Oh hello dear," she said.

"Hi."

"Don't you look lovely."

"Thank you."

"Going somewhere?"

"Um, a friend's picking me up. A friend from school."

"Oh."

"She should be here in a few..." the doorbell rang; "oh she's here now."

I stood up, and went to the door, which I opened to find Miranda standing on the front step. The porch light lit her from above. The night was dark and cold.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi you look nice," she told me.

"Thank you. Come in."

I stepped back, opened the door wider, she stepped inside.

"0h hello," Mom said, looking up from her magazine.

She stood up and crossed the room to us.

"Hi you must be Vanessa's mother," Miranda said.

"Yes and you are...?"

"Miranda. We know each other from school."

"Oh. Ok."

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Pike."

Mom smiled; "please, call me Ginger. Everyone else does."

"Ok."

"It's nice to meet you as well, Miranda. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Well I would but it appears as though your lovely daughter and I already have plans. Perhaps some other time. Thank you though."

"Ok Miranda. The 2 of you have fun and be careful."

"Thank you."

"Bye honey," Mom said.

"Bye."

Miranda and I went outside to a waiting Cadillac. She went around the car to the driver's side.

"It's unlocked," she told me.

She opened the door and slid into the driver's side. I did the same on the passenger's side.

We sat down, closed the doors and put on our seatbelts. She slid the key into the ignition and the doors locked with a click.

"You just never know," she said.

"Yeah that's...that's true," I agreed.

I noticed a moon roof. The seats were leather. The car was spacious and roomy.

"This your car?" I asked.

Miranda smiled in the darkness; "yes."

"Oh. This is nice."

"Thank you. Ever seen Cadillac Records?"

"The, movie?"

Miranda nodded: "yeah."

"No, I haven't, actually."

"Oh. You might like it. It's interesting."

"Hmmm."

She started the car.

"You have any siblings?"

"Yes, actually."

"Oh?"

"7."

"7 wow. I only have 1."

", 4 brothers, 3 sisters."

"That'll keep your mom busy."

"Yeah. That it will."

"She's really nice."

"Thank yoiu."

"Mmhmm. Your brother the one who...?" Miranda asked, referring to the nights he'd sneak into my room.

I nodded, swallowed; "yeah, one of 'em."

"Oh. You know Charlotte?"

"Johannson?" I asked, immediatly recognizing the name.

Miranda nodded: "yeah. Her sister is also my sister."

"Rena?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, how'd that...?"

"They adopted Rena from London which is where I'm from," she explained.

"Oh. I don't see much of Rena."

"Yeah she's pretty antisocial. She misses her friends back in the UK."

"Oh. Charlotte's parents hit splitsville, as our friend Haley would say, awhile back."

"You know Jennifer?" she asked.

"Yeah, she's dating my other brother."

"Oh. She's nice."

"Yeah."

"What kind of music do you like?" she asked.

"Oh, anything. Quiet stuff. Jazz, Irish/Celtic."

A woman's beautiful voice filled the air and carried us away.

"Wow this is beautiful," I said, leaning back into my seat.

"Thank you," Miranda said.

"I, this, this is...?"

"Yeah, this is me."

"Wow. You should go out for one of the plays sometime."

"I intend to. I did a lot of acting back in London, West End."

"Oh, of course."


	14. POV: Charlotte

**Charlotte**

Haley, Reba and I were at my house that night. My mom was out on a date and my dad was at his house. My parents had hit splitsville, as Haley would say, awhile back. My younger sister was in her room.

"I haven't heard much from Vanessa lately," I said.

"Yeah nor have I," Reba said.

"I haven't seen her around much," Haley said.

"I wonder what happened," I put in.

"Maybe she's sick," Reba said.

"She hasn't called me back," I said.

"Oh."

"Where's Rena?" Haley asked.

She was referring to my younger sister who we'd adopted from London awhile back.

"Her room."

"Oh."


	15. POV: Claire

**Claire**

My friends June, Renee, Ashley and I were waiting on the couch in the front room of the modeling studio.

"Where's your mom?" June asked.

"Idinno," I replied.

"She should be here by now," Renee said.

"Yeah and she usually is," Ashley put in.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway. Any of yall want some brownies?" I asked.

Ashley smiled.

"What?" I asked in defense.

"The southern...thing."

"Oh."

"Well Ashley, she learned that from you," June said.

"Yeah hun I know. And yes, I would like some brownies."

Ashley's originally from New Orleans. She'd moved to New York and then here.

I pulled some out of my bag and placed them on the couch.

"Your mom makes really good brownies," Renee said.

"Thank you. And after a day like today..."

"Yeah."

The photographer had come in late, yelling and angry. We hadn't gotten much done.

My phone rang. I pulled it out of my purse and flipped it open.

"Yeah hello?" I asked.

"Hey, Claire?" A vaguely familiar voice asked.

"Um yeah, speaking."

"Hey this is Jen..." "Jennifer, she might know you as Jennifer," I heard my older brother Jordan say in the backround. "Jennifer," the voice said.

"Um...Jordan's girl?"

"Girlfriend. Yeah, his girlfriend."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's ok hun."

"Ok. Anyway. listen, Jordan and I are going to pick you and Margo up. Your rmom's a bit busy."

"Oh, but Margo's at..."

"Ballet. Yes, I know."

"Ok. Um, 3 of my friends are here as well, so."

"Oh that won't be a problem. We'll see you in a few."

"Ok. Bye Jennifer."

"Bye Claire."

I flipped my phone closed and put it back in my purse. Renee, Ashley and June looked at me expectently.

"What was that about?" Ashley asked.

"That was Jennifer," I answered.

"Jordan's girlfriend?"

"Yeah. They'll be picking us up, as my mom's a bit busy."

"Ok."


	16. POV: Jennifer

**Jennifer**

"How was modeling?" I asked, once we'd gotten Claire and her 3 friends, Reenee, Ashley and June squished in the back of Jordan's car.

"Eh not so great," Renee said.

"Oh?" Jordan asked, looking at them through the rearview mirrow and arching his eyebrow.

"Yeah, the photographer came in late, angry and yelling," June explained.

"Oh wow."

"Yeah."

"Um, hey listen girls," I said.

"Yeah?" Ashley asked.

"We have to go visit my mom. Well, I do, anyway."

"Um ok and she is?"

"In the hospital."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah, she's sick,so."

"Wow I'm sorry Jennifer."

"Thank you hun."

"You're welcome. I know what it's like."

Ashley's mom had been sick when she was young and had died as a result.

"You can either come with or..." I said.

"Actually...could you drop us off at Starbucks?"

"Ok. Sure. Be careful."

"We will."

"I have to go pick up Margo, anyway," Jordan said.

"Ok."

"And Lily," Ashley added.

"Right."


	17. Hospital

"Hi I'm looking for Laura O'Connor," I said to the receptionist at the front desk once Jordan and I had dropped Claire and her friends off.

The receptionist looked up. Her blonde hair was down and her name tag read Melissa.

"Oh hi Jennifer," she said.

Over the time I'd come to visit my mom at the hospital Melissa and I had gotten to know each other.

"Hi Mellissa. Is my mom...?" I asked.

"She should be awake but tired. Sure hun you can go on up."

"Ok."

I started to walk past the desk, Jordan following.

"Jennifer," Melissa called.

"Yes?" I asked, turning my head towards her.

"Um who might this be?" she aasked.

"Oh this is um. This is my boyfriend."

We walked back toward Melissa.

"Hi. I'm Jordan," he said, giving Melissa a warm smile.

"Oh. Hi. I'm Melissa the...receptionist."

"That, is, a lovely necklace you're wearing," he said, lifting up the gold necklace around her neck.

"Thank you."

"Jordan," I called.

"Oh. Right."

Jordan walked toward me.

"Melissa, it was nice meeting you," he called over his shoulder.

"And you as well."

Jordan laced his fingers through mine as we walked down the hall toward the elevator.

"You certainly know how to win them over," I told him.

"Yeah but you know I only have eyes for you Jen," he said.

"That's so old fashioned."

"I know. Well, she was nice."

"Oh, Melissa's very nice."

"So.....Frank Sinatra. My mom loved...loves, loves," I corrected myself, clearing my throat, "loves, Sinatra. She's not........"

"I know Jen. I know."

We'd reached the elevator. i pushed the button. we waited. The doors opened and we stepped inside.

"Do you want me to come with?" he asked.

"I...I need a few minutes."

"Ok. That gives me just enough time to go pick up Margo and her friends."

"Ok."

The doors closed in front of us.

"Well now that we're finally alone..." Jordan said, pushing me against the bar that was lining the 3 tall silver walls of the elevator.

"Ow," I muttered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking at me.

"Oh, the bar rammed into my, um."

"Oh. Right. Jeez I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Um, there's not really any way we can do this since the bar....."

"Is in the way, right."

I sighed. Jordan looked at me.

"I always get nervous, being here. It's so......"

"Sad?" Jordan asked.

I nodded, swallowed; "yeah."

"Hun I'll be back as soon as I pick up Margo and her friends. Ok?"

I nodded; "ok."

The elevator reached the floor we wanted to go to and the doors slid open. Jordan huggded me, I stepped outside and the elevator went down.


	18. My Place

We'd reached my apartment. I took out my key, put it in the lock which I unlocked and opened the door.

"And this, is my apartment," I said.

"This is, really small," Margo remarked.

"Yeah but it's where I live. Cmon in."

I opened the door and stepped inside with Jordan, Margo and Claire following behind.

Once they were inside I closed and locked the door, then tossed my keys on a dark brown nightstand to the left of the door.

A little girl with dark hair came running up to me.

"Hi honey," I said, bending down to pick her up.

I stood up and shifted under her weight.

"Ooh youre gettin' heavy," I told her.

I turned to Jordan.

"Jordan can you take her? I have to go check on Jo."

"Yeah sure Jen," he answered.

The girl, my 4 year old daughter Rose, climbed into Jordan's waiting arms.

Margo looked between Jordan and I.

"Is that.........um, your sister?" she asked

"No, actually. This is my daughter Rose."

"Oh. But you're....."

"Yeah, I know. It's a long story."

"Oh."

"Hi," Rose said to Claire.

"Hi."

I went into the bedroom with Margo and Claire following behind.

I bent down into a white wooden crib that was leaning against the wall and picked up my other daughter.

"Ooooh she's sleeping," Margo said.

"That's right. This is my other daughter, Josephine Lily."

In the living room I heard Rose babbling to Jordan.

"That's an old fashioned name, Josephine," Claire told me.

"Yeah, it is. It was our grandmother's."

"Also the name of Napoleon's wife."

"That's right."

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"Just as pretty as her mother," Margo said.

I smiled; "awww thanks."

"Hey Jen?" Jordan asked from the living room.

"Yeah?"

"Is it ok if I have some of these brownies?"

"Um."

I walked back into the living room carrying Jo. Margo and Claire followed.

"Yeah sure. Mrs. Owens must've left them. Payday's on Friday, um...I need to go talk to her about that. Would you come with?"

Jordan nodded, setting Rose down on the floor.

"Girls you stay here with Rose and Jo," I told Margo and Claire.

Margo reached up to take Jo who I'd put in her arms.

"Thank you," I said.

"Hey Jennifer?" I heard Margo ask.

"Yeah hun?"

"Do you have any ice?"

"Um yeah, sure, there should be some in the freezer otherwise I'm out."

"Ok thanks."

"Sure why?"

"I think I might've twisted my ankle in ballet."

"Ooh ouch."

"Yeah. I don't know though. But at any rate it hurts."

"Ok well, you girls can help yourselves to anything."

"Ok thanks."

"Mmhmm."

I crossed the room with Jordan following close behind. I grabbed my keys and was out the door.

"Jordan," I said, once we'd gone down the hall a bit.

"Yeah?"

"We can't smoke or have sex with the girls here."

"Ok I understand."


	19. POV: Vanessa: Miranda's Place

**Vanessa**

"So this is my apartment," Miranda said as we stepped into a dark room.

I could see the outline of a coffee table in the middle of the room and a couch pushed against a wall.

"Um. It's dark," I observed.

"Yeah hold on. Scuse me."

I ducked down as she reached above me and flipped on a switch. The room was flooded with light and smells. I smelled apple, pumpkin, lilac, strawberry and rose. There were candles everywhere, unlit.

"Wow you really like candles."

"Yeah we had them back in London. They're my mother's."

"Wow."

"Yeah and her mother's before that."

"Oh."

"Do you want something to eat? Drink?" Miranda asked.

"Um do you have chai?"

"Yes."

"I'm actually kind of hungry."

"Ok well I have pasta. Or we could order pizza. I also have Indian food which we ate back in England."

"My mom will probably be making pasta."

"Oh do you mind?"

"No. I actually can't decide."

"Ok Well is pasta ok then?"

"Sure it's fine."

"Ok honey you can go relax on the couch or...somewhere. You look like you could use it. Feel free to look around."

I crossed the room and sat down on the dark brown velvet couch.

"Wow," I said.

As Miranda reached up into the cabinets her black jean vest rode up.

"Comfortable?" she asked.

"Yeah."

I watched her for a bit then was suddenly very aware I was watching her, and felt awkward. I looked around the room at all the posters and photographs. There was a photo of Miranda peeping between giant sunflowers, another one of her lying in a field of purple pansie. One of the photographs was of a woman who looked like Miranda but older, in a ballet pose. Miranda had a Warhol, Van Gogh, Frida and Victoria Frances.

"I love your posters," I said.

"Thank you. My mom took the photos. The ballet one is of her. It was taken back in London."

"I figured. it looks like you."

"Thank you."

"I really miss her. Rena does too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Um anyway. What kind of pasta do you want? I have linguini, fetticini, spaghetti, angel hair, mac n cheese..."

"Um angel hair's fine."

"Ok then."

It was really quiet. The walls were white.

"So this is it then?" I asked.

"Well there's my room and then my roommate's but yeah, basically."

"Oh. It's so...idinno...small."

"Yes, your house is quite a bit larger."

"Yes. it is."

"My rooommate might be home or she might be out I'm not sure."

"Oh."

At that moment a door opened and 2 women entered, holding hands.

"Hi love," Miranda said, hearing the door open.

"Hi darlin. Can I do anything?"

"Um you could get the garlic bread started. Vanessa you want some?"

"Ok sure."

The door closed and locked it.

I turned my head from looking at the pictures and saw one of the women in the kitchen. She was tall and thin, with dark straight dark red hair hanging down and pale coppery skin. She was wearing a simple black tank top and long red skirt. Her feet were in black flip flops.

"Hey I'm Lauren," she said in a southern accent.

"HiI 'm...I'm Vanessa."

"Lauren's my roommate," Miranda explained.

"Oh ok."

The other woman, dressed entirely in black with her long black hair hanging, came over to me. She was very pale.

"Hi mind if I sit here?" she asked in a quiet voice, indicating the open spot on the sofa next to me.

"Um ok."

She sat down with perfect posture and looked at me.

"Whoa," she breathed; "what happened to you?"

"Um wow what? Excuse me?"

"Sara," Lauren called from the kitchen.

"You seem so...did someone?..." the woman asked.

"Sara. Marie. Stop now," Lauren said.


	20. Jennifer: Dinner Preparations

**Jennifer**

Jordan pulled the car into the Pike's garage. He'd already dropped Margo and her friends Lorelei and Lily, who was also Ashley's friend, off there. Claire, June, Renee and Ashley were again squished in the back seat of the car. Jordan turned off the car and we unbuckled and got out. We closed the doors and with a push of the button on the keys, Jordan locked them We went through the garage door into the house. Upstairs, we heard Margo and her friends talking.

"Hi Mom," Jordan, said going into the kitchen.

"Oh hi dear," she said, turning toward the sound of his voice.

We all walked into the kitchen where I smelled pasta and garlic bread.

"Hi Ginger," I said.

"Hi Jennifer. You hungry?"

"Yes."

"What's for dinner?" Claire asked.

"How's pasta sound?"

"Pretty good."

"What can i do?" I asked, wallking to the stove.

"Oh Jennifer, really. You don't have to do anything."

"Ok."

"Dad home yet?" Jordan asked.

"No, neither is Adam."

"Oh."

"Nick's over at Ben and Karen's and Byron's up in his room."

"Ok."

Jordan went to a large brown table off to the side of the room, against a white wall.

Karen had been a baby sitting charge of Jordan's oldest sister Molly. Ben was her younger brother. Molly was now in college.

"Jen you want to help me set the table?" he called.

"Ok."

I walked over to the table he was standing in front of.

"Mrs. Owens said she'd take care of Jo and Rose for the night," I told him.

"Ok. Did you get the payday thing worked out with her?"

"Yeah. She said it's ok and she knows I'll pay her when I can."

"She's so nice."

"Oh she's wonderful. Very sweet."

"How's your mom?"

"Um still sick. Can we talk about this later? Like maybe after dinner?"

"Sure ok. Scuse me."

He pulled open a drawer in the table. I stepped back to let it open.

"How's Margo?" I heard Claire ask her mom.

"She's ok. How was modeling sweetie?"

"Not great."

"Oh. What happened?"

"The phorographer came in late, yelling and angry."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah."

Ashley, Renee and June were sitting in a row at the island.

"You make really good brownies Ginger," Ashley told her.

Ginger smiled; "thank you Ashley."

"You're welcome. My mom...also made really good brownies."

"Ohh."

A pause fell.

Jordan and I got the silverware out of the silverware holder in the drawer then closed it. We went to the cupboards, opened them, got the dishes out, closed the cabinets and started setting the large oval table that was in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hey Mom?" Claire asked.

"Yes honey?"

"Is it ok if Jenny and Andrea come over after dinner?"

"Sure."

"Ok."

Jenny and Andrea had also been charges of Molly's. They took modeling at a different school tha n claire, ashley, june and renee did.

"Is there anything I can do Ginger?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah would you take the garlic bread out of the oven? It should be about done."

"Ok."

Ashley stood up, pushing her stool back and went to get the blue oven mitts.

"June, what you can do is tell the others dinner's about ready."

"Ok."

June stood up as well and left the kitchen to go upstairs.

"Any idea when Dad will be home?" Jordan asked his mom.

"No, I don't know," she said and sighed.

Jordan and I exchanged a look while setting the metal silverwar down on the light white wooden tabletop.

"I don't know when Adam will be home, either. And Nic'ks expercted home whenever he gets here, as is Vanessa. Excuse me. Jennifer, you mind?" Ginger asked me, indicating the big silver pot of pasta on the stove.

"Ok sure."

"Thank you."

She left the room.

"I'm going to check on my mom. And Margo. Can you take care of everything here?" Jordan asked me.

"Sure."

"Thanks hun."

He left and I dropped the silverware onto the table.

"Ashley do we have an extra pair of oven mitts?" I asked her.

"You can use mine hun. I'll finish setting the table," she told me, coming over and giving me the oven mitts, which I put on.

"Thank you."


	21. POV: Jordan: Mom

**Jordan**

I followed Mom out of the kitchen and into the living room where I thought she'd be but wasn't. I went up the stairs and down the hall where I knocked on her closed door.

"This isn't really a good time," she answered.

_You don't even know who it is_, I thoght.

I knocked again and heard her sigh.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"It's me," I said.

"Oh. It's open."

I turned the door handle and walked into her room. Mom was sitting on her bed, thumbing through a magazine but clearly distracted.

"Oh. Hi."

She looked up when I came in.

"Hi. What happened down there?" I asked.

"Jordan, I really shouldn't tell you. You do enough for the family. Your girlfriend has 2 kids and...you and Vanesa do everything in the morning if I'm not up, although she hasn't been much help lately. Dad hasn't been home for god knows how long. Jennifer's been so wonderful, helping out around here."

"Mom. I can handle it. I'm the oldest guy in the family."

"Ok I might as well tell you. Could you close the door?"

"Yes, ok."

I closed the door behind me.

"Thank you."

"Mmhmm."

"Jordan I don't know if you've noticed or not but your dad hasn't been home lately."

"Yeah I have noticed."

"He's been spending a lot of time at-"

"Jordan?" I heard Ashley call.

"Hang on a sec Ashley."

"No, go ahead. It'll be a lot easier when everyone's asleep. When there aren't any distractions," Mom told me.

"Ok."

"Can you handle dinner? I can't do this right now."

"Ok, sure. Do you want anything?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure."

"Ok."

I left, closing the door behind me.


	22. Jennifer: Ashley & I

**Jennifer**

It was after dinner. Ashley and I were talking on the Pike's wide front porch.

"Mind if I smoke?" I asked her.

"No. Me?"

"No um, you smoke?"

"Yeah I know it's bad for me but..."

"But?" I prompted

"So are a lot of other things I do."

"Oh. You're from New York?"

She nodded vigorously; "yeah, Manhattan."

"Manhattan wow."

"Yeah I'm from New Orleans originally though."

"Oh. What was that like?"

"Hot."

"Mmm I would imagine."

"And you?"

"Oh here, there."

"Oh."

She leaned forward.

"Jennifer,"she said.

"Yes?"

"I know what it's like."

"Um, what what's...like?"

"Let's cut to the chase."

Um okkk. Her directness was a characteristic of Ashley's New York personality.

"That's how you got Rose right?youre 17 now, shes 4 so you were 14, in middle school and he...one day..."

"How do you know about that?" I asked;" no one knows not even Jordan."

"I have a sense for these things."

"Oh."

"It happened to me too. That's how I got Lily."

"Lily?"

"My..."

"Your daugher."

"Yes. My daughter. Named after my mother, Angela,Lily."

"Who is..."

"No longer here."

"Right."

"Oh."


	23. Oregano Porches

At that moment Jordan came out onto the porch.

"I don't even know what?" he asked.

"How much I love you," I replied, looking up at him, my eyes dancing.

"I love you too Jen but honey, you don't have to cover."

"Oh. Well I'm.....not ready to tell you."

"Oh. Ok."

He settled down on the other side of the long forest green cushioned dark wood couch. Ashley got up from her spot to let Jordan sit down. She stood against the white porch railing.

"Did you give her the message?" Jordan asked, looking at Ashley.

"Yeah, I did."

"Ok."

The message he was referring to was, after dinner Mrs. Owens had phoned the Pike's informing Ashley, who'd answered, that my daughters had fallen ill.

"So," Jordan said, his right arm around the back of the couch; "what are you 2 ladies doing out here?"

"Nothin much man. Jus talkin," Ashley answered.

Jordan lifted up my hair and started playing with it.

"Mmm," I said.

"Thanks for helpin out," he said.

"You're welcome."

He scooted closer to me and kissed me. I kissed him back and we merged into a long passionate embrace.

"Whoa I'll leave you 2 lovebirds alone. Don't need to see this," Ashley said from her spot against the railing. She held up her hands, palms forward.

She went inside.

"How's your mom?" Jordan asked me, setting down a plastic bag of orgeano colored shavings on the clear mosaic glass table.

"You have the pipes?" I asked.

He nodded, opening the bag and letting the shavings spill out onto the tabletop.

"Got the blades?" he asked.

I nodded and pulled a black film canister out of my pants pocket.

I set it on the table and opened it. Inside, you could make out the outline of 2 long rectanular razor blades.

"She's ok, I guess," I answered, taking both of the blades out and giving one of them to Jordan.

He looked at me;"oh?" he asked.

"Yeah, still sick. They won't tell her, or me, anything. She's very tired from all the drugs they keep giving her."

"Mmm I'd imagine."

"Wedinno how much longer she has."

"Wow. Isnt' that what they said last time?"

"Yes and the time before that and....the time before that."

I scooted closer to him and ended up in his arms. I picked up a pipe from the tabletop, stuffed some of the shavings into it, lit it with my lighter and then put it in my mouth. Jordan did the same.

About 20 minutes later I felt incredibly happy.

"Wow," I said.

"Baked yet?" Jordan asked.

"Oh yeah," I replied settling against him.

"Your eyes are huge."

"Yeah no kidding. So'r yours."

I fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

I woke up to the sound of someone saying "hey honey. Why don't you come over here where it's......dark. I love the dark don't you? You're just so pretty. What's your name?".

It was a male voice. I smelled alcohol on his breath.

While I'd been asleep something heavy had been placed over me. I looked down and realised it was a blanket. Jordan must've placed it over me while I'd ben sleeping.

The guy took me by the hand and led me into the darkness, down the steps of the porch. The blanket fell into the porch floor.

"Um what...what are you doing?"I asked the guy once we were standing on the front lawn.

"I want to know more of your beauty."

His hand slid slowly over my shoulder and down my back. It came around my side, nearing my chest.

I looked at the darkened porch and noted Jordan had fallen asleep.

The guy pushed his head toward mine.

"Hey!" he cried; "you're not Vanessa!"

Vanessa?

"Vanessa doesn't smell like.....is that....?"

"No, I'm not. Just what the _hell _do you think you're doing?" I asked, pushing him away from me.

"I....thought you were Vanessa."

"Yeah, clearly. And I'm not."

"You seen her?"

"No. I haven't."

At that moment Jordan's eyes flew open.

The guy and I looked towards him.

"Hey did you know that she smells like pot?" he asked Jordan.

"Oh you're certainly one to talk. Adam."

Jordan got up and walked towards us.

"Get away from her," he told his brother.

"You seen Vanessa?" Adam asked.

"You were told, to stay away from her."

Jordan looked at me.

"Jennifer you ok?" he asked me.

I said nothing.

He took my sielnce as a bad sign.

"Oh god," he whispered, horrified; "did he do something to you?"

He turned towards his brother;" Adam what did you do toher?"

"I'll go find Margo....maybe _she_ needs some company."

"No," Jordan whispered.

He tried to get into the house ahead of his brother.

"Jen I....I'll be back."

I merely nodded.

Jordan and Adam went into the house, leaving me alone in the darkness.


	25. Chapter 25

A taller guy stepped onto the dark lawn.

"You, out of my way. Where's my wife? And my dinner?"

"Why? And I'm not in your way."

Which was true I wasn't. I was standing off to one side of the lawn, not on the sidewalk in between the 2.

"I'm hungry. And don't talk back to me."

Those were the words my own father always used to use right before his outbursts.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" the guy asked.

"I'm waiting for Jordan."

The guy came closer to me. He too smelled of alcohol.

Margo came outside.

"Oh hey Jen," she said.

I turned and looked.

"Hi."

"I'm going over to.......Dad. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Hey. You. Seen your mother?"

"She's. No. I haven't."

"Don't lie to me," he said, stepping back from me and coming closer to her.

I stepped between them.

"Jen you don't want to do this."

"No Margo I don't _want_ to. I have to."

"But you could....."

"Yeah. I know."

It sure was taking Jordan a long time to get back.


	26. Chapter 26

_Meanwhile back at Miranda's..._

**Vanessa**

It was after dinner. Miranda and I were lying on her bed in her room. We were staring at the ceiling. Sara Marie and Lauren had gone into Lauren's room.

She sat up and took my hand.

"Cmere," she said; "I want you to see something."

She stood up.

"Um ok," I said.

I stood up as well.

She led me out her room, through her apartment, down the hall to the elevators. We took one to the first floor where she led me outside to the front of the complex.

"Cmon," she called, taking me by the hand.

I had no choice but to follow her.

She led me around the large tall building and to a pool.

"I can't see it's..."

And then I saw it. Them. Floating candles of every color on what I suspected was pool water. the candles were all lit and in the shape of lotuses.

"Ohhhhhh," I breathed; "these are...this is beautiful."

Miranda squeezed my hand. I knew she was smilI'ing.

"Did you do this?" I asked her.

"I wish I could take credit. But no. I didn't. Some of the residents did."

"Wow."

"Do you come here often?"

"Sometimes. Hey, listen Vanessa."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about Sara. She...has a sense for certain things."

"Yeah she made that one obvious."


	27. Chapter 27

After, I went and wrote in the notebook. I quickly scanned the entry into my computer and posted it on my website. I went by the name 'butterfly' online.

I got 2 comments, one from someone by the name of 'Guineveve': 'I'm so sorry'.

And the other one from someone named 'ms randa lette rose': I'm so sorry too love. You're beautiful although you can't see it yet and that might take a long time. Youre also changing. Please keep posting here and writing to us. We love your stuff. We each might text you. Your site is so honest'.

At that moment I got the same text from 2 anonymous texters each saying 'we love you'.

They were the only things that kept me going. As much as I hated the night visits as I called them I loved having my secret world of posting it on my site and reading the comments. Sometimes I was afraid id end up like margo my sister who'd developed an eating disorder.

At that moment another comment popped up from someone by the name of 'the firebird': 'I've been through it too so you're not alone. I can't talk about it yet either but here's my site on it. Love you'.

Whoever these ladies were they were all really sweet and supportive. I hoped to meet them but I also liked the whole mystery of not knowing who they were.

I posted something one last time: 'they say it's murder of the soul'.


End file.
